"Not lately," he admits with a slight shake of his head. He can only imagine how Steve might react to this conversation; he knows gallows humor isn't exactly his favorite kind, even if they all participated in it to a certain extent back during the war. It's different with this... with anything about HYDRA's hand controlling him, Steve takes is all to a completely different level. Which... is fine. Bucky gets that, the whole experience was on a level he never could have imagined. But sometimes... the intensity in which he tries to separate Bucky from the Winter Soldier... Bucky just has a hard time accepting it like he knows Steve wishes he would. That he ever could, one day.

Natasha understands it in a deeper kind of way, the sort of way Steve will never be able to, and it's kind of nice to have someone know that part of it, too. There's almost a strange kind of balance between the two, and Bucky isn't sure he'd be where he is now without both sides to flank and support him in their own ways.

Not that he has any idea how to put any of it into words to say to either of them.