You take the man out of the city, not the city out of the man

[stillfriends]

Natasha had learned long ago that worrying was a waste of time. You crossed bridges as they came. Was it necessary to have multiple plans in case that particular bridge was lined with dynamite or occupied by opposing forces? Absolutely. But having a plan or improvising in the moment was different than constantly fretting over all the what ifs and wasting time and energy on something that may never come. Therefore she didn't worry when Steve missed their weekly check-in. She knew that he had his hands full with his recently deprogrammed best friend and ex-Hydra agent and she knew better than to take it personally.

But she felt the foreign feeling of worry enter her mind when it had been 48 hours later and Steve had yet to check in. She had expected a (needless) apology and a report on how Bucky was dealing with things this week. She knew that the check ins were more than just about each other's safety, it was also because they were a team, even if the Avengers was just another piece of Natasha's past. When she tried his phone there was no answer and she refused to call too many times, a stubborn part of her still hating to admitting any kind of vulnerability, even now. Even with Steve.

Which is why she had decided that when her current solo mission was over she would simply drop in on the two men at the safehouse that Steve had mentioned they would be using last week. Worst case scenario was that they weren't there and she'd have to start tracking their whereabouts from the location they'd been at last contact. Best case scenario, they'd gotten so caught up with the mission or each other that Steve had merely forgotten to check in or check his phone - which was laughable for Captain America, but possibly not beyond the possibility depending on circumstances.

She had flown in on the redeye, taking a cab from the airport to a busy and touristy part of Luxembourg City before slipping into a cafe and then out the back alley. From there, she'd walked the rest of the way to the safe house, nestled in a quiet neighborhood with very little traffic and private estates. This was one of the nicer safe houses, though the rooms were small and densely decorated in standard European fashion. She'd bypassed the gate and climbed the wall instead, not being able to help herself from catching Steve off guard. She knew it would amuse him if she defeated his defenses, though she was less certain about how Bucky might react.

Which was why she was quiet as she opened the back door to the kitchen and tried to ascertain where the men were in the house before making her presence known. The last thing she wanted to do was catch the Winter Soldier off guard and cause Steve any more grief as they moved room to room, destroying the safe house in the process. She set her bag down on the kitchen table and followed the soft sound of music down a dark hallway to a brighter living room, trying to stay in the shadow of the hallway for as long as she could. She made out the shadow of Bucky against a bookcase, her eyes sweeping the room for any sign of Steve. There wasn't one, and as much as she had wanted to surprise him first, she thought it was best to let her presence be known.

"Hey," she said, stepping out of the hallway and knocking on the doorframe to telegraph her presence so as not to startle him.

Comments

[stillfriends]

She smirks at him, sliding her discarded cards across the table. She lets out a small smile. "Well, have you had the urge to kill anyone lately?"

She's joking. They joke about the things that would probably be horrifying to most normal people. Besides, it's not like Bucky's a serial killer with uncontrollable urges for blood and mayhem, he'd been a weapon, only following the directions of the hand that had pointed him. Same as she had been.

[notworthallthis]

"Not lately," he admits with a slight shake of his head. He can only imagine how Steve might react to this conversation; he knows gallows humor isn't exactly his favorite kind, even if they all participated in it to a certain extent back during the war. It's different with this... with anything about HYDRA's hand controlling him, Steve takes is all to a completely different level. Which... is fine. Bucky gets that, the whole experience was on a level he never could have imagined. But sometimes... the intensity in which he tries to separate Bucky from the Winter Soldier... Bucky just has a hard time accepting it like he knows Steve wishes he would. That he ever could, one day.

Natasha understands it in a deeper kind of way, the sort of way Steve will never be able to, and it's kind of nice to have someone know that part of it, too. There's almost a strange kind of balance between the two, and Bucky isn't sure he'd be where he is now without both sides to flank and support him in their own ways.

Not that he has any idea how to put any of it into words to say to either of them.

[stillfriends]

She smiles faintly, taking in her options with sharp eyes before she retrains them on him. She looks for any kind of tells in his expression, not just in regards to his hand, but also to the matter at hand. She appreciates someone who can joke about the worst thing that has ever happened to them, possibly the world. Not everyone can. Steve, for all his virtues, sometimes has a hard time swallowing the bitterness with a little bit of sugar.

“Good,” she says, giving him a small nod as her eyes sweep her cards one more time. She lays them down on the table. “Full house.” A small one, but enough to beat half of most hands. She'll take those odds.

"I know it's a small consolation, but that's good."

[notworthallthis]

He chuckles as he shows his own hand— three of a kind. “I guess you win,” he says, voice light and amused. She might need to be the one to direct just how many rounds they play, because Bucky is from a time when cards were one of the only entertainments out there. He could play for awhile, and she might get bored sooner.

“I’d like the nightmares to slow down,” he admits with a soft, heavy sigh. It might be his least favorite part of the whole situation, honestly.

[stillfriends]

"I usually do." It's not bragging if it's the truth. Then again, her usual partner is Clint, or recently, Steve, who both have open books for faces. Bucky is a welcome challenge, detached but with definite things rolling under the surface.

She presses her lips together and gives him a small nod as she reshuffles the cards. "Are they the same ones each night?" She'd dreamt about, and sometimes still did, Dreykov's daughter often after she'd defected. She's no soldier, but she knows that there is always collateral damage in any war. It didn't help her sleep any sounder at night.

[notworthallthis]

He lets out a single, soft, 'ha' at her own teasing comment. She's probably only half-joking; Natasha does strike him as the type to often be right, even if no one else in the room can see it in the moment.

"Not always," he admits, and once the cards for the next hand are dealt, he picks up his set of cards and considers them for a moment. "there's a lot of Greatest Hits for my brain to decide to get stuck on at any given time, though..." Despite how much time he spent under cryostasis, there were plenty of missions through the decades, and none of them ended in a good light.

[stillfriends]

"Have you tried tea?" She asks with a straight face, glancing up at him over her cards as she rearranges them in her hand. "I've heard chamomile is great."

It's flippant, she knows, but she also knows he's not looking for a solution. There are some things that can't be stopped. Memories that can't be or won't be forgotten or forgiven.

She sighs, lowering her eyes to her cards. "Sometimes the only thing worse than a bad night's sleep is a good one." There really was no winning. If you remembered, you were haunted, if you forgot, then you were the monster.

[notworthallthis]

"I don't think they make a sleepytime tea strong enough for super soldiers," he tosses back at her, his lips quirked in a soft smirk. He really likes the back-and-forths he can fall into with her, it's easy and it's so nice to have anything feel easy these days.

He shakes his head and discards two cards to replace with new ones. "I'll let you know if I agree when I manage to have one." It's been a long time since he has even slept through a single night.

[stillfriends]

"If things weren't so complicated with Stark, he might be able to come up with something for you." Him or Bruce. But she doesn't know where Bruce is and she doesn't think she will know anytime soon, either. Another mistake. Another casualty in the name of war.

She presses her lips together, keeping her eyes on the cards. "Do you want to talk about them?"